An Open Letter To My Boyfriend

A lot of things are running inside my head right now. Maybe this is the consequence of choosing to stay awake and not going to bed early. Me and messy mind.

We’ve been through a lot. We’ve both seen each other to be immature and to grow. I know there will be times that we’ll not be just like what we were before. Let’s accept the fact that there are changes if we compared today from yesterday.

We’re not kids anymore. We have our priorities and responsibilities. There will the less time for personal agendas, because work happened. There will be proper division of free time; I bet resting comes first.

These past few days, I’m in a roller coaster of emotions. The worst was, to the extent where I can’t feel anything. I felt numb. I’m not saying that I’m not happy, I’m not even that sad.

“Promise me something. Tell me if you don’t love me anymore.” You said.

Never I have ever imagined that someone will say that to me. Inside my head, all I wanted to say was “I am not going anywhere. I will not leave.”

And that’s the truth.

I may act like this, kinda stone hearted girl. Someone who is stubborn. Someone who is hard headed. But in reality, I am afraid. I am soft hearted. I am senstive. I easily cry.

Β You never left inside my messy mind, and especially in my heart. From the moment I wake up and before getting ready to work, I think of you. From riding trains and walking down the streets, I think of you. Before I go to sleep and close my eyes, I think of you.

Thinking of all the things we did. Thinking what we could do the next time we see each other again. Thinking if you ever think of me too.

You’re part of my everyday life.

I miss you everyday. My desire of your hug, your kiss, your touch.. I don’t care if we don’t have exact places to go when we go out, all I want is to be beside you. I don’t care if there will be times that we’ll run out of things to talk about, all I want is to see you, look at your chinky eyes and see a fine curve on your face.. I want to see you’re happy with me.

I’ll never get tired of you, of us. I know I’m very impatient to some things but I’m doing my best to be understanding. When I want to go out but you’re unavailable, there’s a little sulking. But it’s okay.

Β At the end of the day, if we fought about something, if you did or said something I didn’t like, if I cried about something, I still choose to be with you. I know happiness will not always be there and the sadness is also temporary. So why would I give up on you, on us?

There’s no giving up because we have a lot of dreams for us. We have plans, right? We’ll travel together. We’ll go places together. We’ll eat other dishes aside from pastas and pizzas. We’ll try more coffee shops and drink more coffee. We’ll see each other’s achievements. We’ll be each other’s number one fan. I just hope that you’ll not give up on me too.

Even though how many times you ask me if I’m already sure about you, that you’re the one I want to be with.. I’d still repeat my answer, over and over again, “Yes. I am sure.”

I don’t want us to be destroyed by some roller coaster feeling of anxiety, sadness and unwanted feeling. Please, don’t get tired of telling me how much you want me in your life.

I love you. Always will. Always have. Just like Blair Waldorf loves Chuck Bass.

“What we have is a great love. No matter what we do and how much we fight, it will always pull us in.”

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