“You weren’t wrong. I really love you.”
My eyes widened. My heart beat faster. My mind can’t stop from thinking. My hands can’t move. My mouth was slightly open.
Breathe. I told myself. Let me think about this first.
This isn’t the first time that someone told me those sweet words. There were many guys that already said those words.
“I love you.”
How can I forget the feelings that I felt during those times. I was nervous. My face was blank.
That night, I never thought you’d be there again. Few days before you came back, I’ve made up a decision. I should get over you. But what happened? You were there. You told me you love me.
Why did you leave me in the first place? You said you were confuse. I understand. Things went fast between us few weeks ago. I just thought that maybe you left because I did something wrong (that turned you off) or maybe you’ve got a new girl.
“Maybe I’m just this girl of the day/ week/ month.” I was that harsh to myself just to help myself get over you.
“I’m sorry.” You said.
It’s okay. No, it’s not okay. I was hurt. You left me hanging on, but what can I say? You came back and I don’t know what your plan is.
There were things that popped into my mind when you said “I love you.”
- Are you serious this time?
Please. I’m sick of playing games. I’m turning twenty in few months. I have to get my shit together, and so does you. I’ve dated guys and I hate the “no-label-but-we-are-sweet-to-each-other” relationship. If you said you love me, then do something to make me believe. I’m not rushing things, I just want to be assured that I’m giving my trust to someone worth it. I’ve been hurt so many times and I can’t risk my heart again.
- Am I the only one?
Since the day I’ve found out that my past lover cheated on me, I started to be paranoid when someone tries to please me. I’m scared that I might love a guy who loves two people at the same time. Wow, what a douche.
- How well do you know me?
I know that I’ve told you stories before, about my family, about my bestfriend, where do I study, what course I’m taking up. What I mean is, do you know the real me? I am semi-introvert and semi-extrovert. So I am kind of in between. I’m melancholic, there are times that I will just stare at the clouds up in the sky. There will be times that I will kiss your cheeks as long as I want. There will be times that I’ll just listen to what you’re saying and will not drop any word. You know how weird I am? I hope you’re ready to know my deepest and darkest secrets.
- I hope you’re the one for me
I miss to be in a real relationship where I can call someone as my own. It’s been years since I had a boyfriend. I only had one, for the record. Earlier I said I dated many guys but I didn’t have a boyfriend from those. My friends told me I’m choosy, I’m not. I just want to be with someone who is really into me. Not just someone who is attracted to me. I hope that if you’re the one for me, you’d embrace me for being me. I will also do the same, I will accept you for who you are. Good or bad, I’ll be here for you.
- If I love you too
I love everyone. I rarely hate someone, unless that someone will do something terrible at me. Few weeks ago, when the first time we met, I know that there is something about you. Yes, I love your height. I’m a sucker for tall guys, I don’t know why. I love you for being you, you told me how bad and good you are. In short span of time, I learned some of your flaws. I saw how lonely your eyes sometimes. I saw how you smile when I’m smiling at you. Of course, I admit, I’ve had a hard time thinking if you’re my type. But after all the thinking, yes, you’re my type.
When you asked me what are we when you came back, I told you maybe it’s better when we go back to zero again. I want you to stay. I don’t want to push you away but I can’t just say “Cool, we’re okay now. Let’s kiss.” If I could, I would. But then again, we have to learn our lessons. If you want to work this out, I’m on it. Let’s be real.