Tonight I realized that I deserve so much better than what I had for the past few months.
It feels kind of lonely reminiscing all the bad things that happened but it cheers me up when the idea of moving on and going forward comes into my mind. I must say that I’ve been so strong holding onto something that made me feel less of what I am.
I decided to read all of his messages since the day we became “friends”. For the sake of letting all the hurt go away, maybe I cried enough. I deleted all of them, after that.
I still remember his pretty face but what I can still see should now fade.
I’ve waited for him for months. I’ve waited for him to come back and tell everything. I’ve waited for him to say sorry for leaving me hanging on. I guess the long wait is now over.
I was always there for him. Always. When he felt so alone and no one could talk to, I was there, as his friend. When he thought that his life screwed up, I told him to be man enough and chin up. I never left him. I never wanted to abandon him. He needed some love, I gave him some.
He was confusing.
One day, he’ll be there for me. One day, he’ll be not. He was there, adding colors to my life. Then later on.. Banggg. He suddenly went invisible.
If this is the way he left me, then I have to accept the truth. I can’t get love from him. This is the hardest, so far, in my life. I felt that there’s a lot of feelings wasted. We’re not going to be together. I can’t take risks anymore. I will not pretend, I am not happy and I just want to be happy.
A little bit of love, this is what I need.
Is it too much to ask for?
I will remember him as one of the clowns that became part of my party called life. Funny how I felt so much, but didn’t say any word to him when he was still around. I am so afraid to accept that I love him and more afraid to be defeated.
Now, I’m throwing all of my feelings for him.
This is for good, I believe.
I observed that some of my friends are happy with what they have right now. Some of them went through a lot before they felt so alive, like what they are today. If they did it, I can also do it.
I guess everyone deserves someone that will give so much attention to them and the love they are looking for. Not only me, but all of us should be someone’s priority. Each one of us isn’t an a, b, c, or d, we’re not an option. Each one of us isn’t plan b, or whatever plan that may be.
If someone isn’t being fair, then step out of the game. You might lose in the end.
Waving my white flag now. I’m done with you.
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