What if?

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“This maybe my last.. for a while. I should let myself rest for the mean time.”

Traumatic experiences, heart aches, fears. How am I going to pass through all of these?

I am a nineteen year old girl. I was very happy with my life. I was always this energetic girl who used to greet all people on the hallway. I used to inspire others, gave advices. I used to be loud. “Was” and “used to” — in past tense. Because right now, I don’t know what should I feel. I am okay, I guess. I should be okay.

Right now, I’m feeling a lot better compared to previous days. After the sh*t-this-cannot-be-happening days.

Gloomy days that turn into sun-shiny days, because of those people who stayed and try to bring back the old me. And new people that want to be part of my so called new chapters.

Just like everyone else, I am in dire need of love. Someone I can be with where ever places I’d like to go.  Someone I can go to beaches and do skinny dipping. Someone who doesn’t care about distance. Someone who will hug me if I feel so down. Someone who doesn’t care if he looks like a fool for trying to cheer me up when I am crying. Someone who will never get tired of understanding me. A guy that will listen to my rants, my dreams, my story. I want a guy that will have an adventure with me.

But here’s the thing, the fear of falling in love.

How can I find this guy if I am afraid? Will I let him in my life?

I easily give my trust to someone, unfortunately in my part (and very fortunate to those I gave my trust). And after such events in my life, I’ve built up my walls. I’ve learned that one cannot be always the good one, by giving trust right away. Sometimes you have to distance yourself just to protect yourself.

But what if?

What if someone wants to be part of my new chapters?
What if I know I have to take risks if I am going to let someone in my life?
What if it is complicated?

If you’re that someone, are you willing to stay?
Or are you going to forget that we became somehow friends?

Love. Friendship. Everything in between.

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