Full of The Joys of Spring

I can’t sleep so I just decided to put something personal here in my blog. So.. I started typing this at around 2:25 in the morning of September 03, 2013.  

If you would ask me if how am I doing these past few days.. I would say, “I am happy.” This isn’t just an ordinary happiness. You know the feeling when you have something or someone in your life right now and you don’t want them to just vanish.  

I feel so inspired right now, to be honest. With the people around me, my friends, my family, and him. (Ohhhh, you know who you are.) I don’t know if you’ll be able to read this. I don’t even know if you still visit my blog. But yeah, I’m extremely happy and you’re one of the reasons why.  

Another reason for composing this blog entry is that my playlist right now gives me chills and butterflies. No emo songs, fortunately. All songs are good-feel-music-for-those-who-are-inspired.  

I can’t even believe that I’ll be this happy again. I missed this feeling. The moment when someone crosses into my mind and then I’ll find myself smiling.  

I have this simple view in life: If it is yours, it will be yours. If not, you have to accept the truth. There are things in my life I thought weren’t really meant for me. I accepted things, lived my life, survived even without it. But I just realized that my life is better if I have that something/ someone.  

I thought I’ll find someone new. Actually, I already met many “someone new.” But even though I had them, I feel so incomplete. At the end of my everyday life, before I go to sleep, I’m seeking for someone. Someone’s love. Someone’s care. Someone’s touch. Someone’s smile. Someone’s eyes. Someone’s voice.  

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I don’t know if this is destiny. If it is really meant to be. For someone coming back into my life, I had these mixed emotions. Happy, sad, going to cry.. I don’t know, I can’t explain. Words are not enough to express how I feel.  

I just don’t want to lose that special person. I don’t want to lose him “again.” Never again. We were so young, too dumb to realize (Ohhh, Bruno Mars lyrics) He said 2 years. Yep, we had separate lives for about 2 years. We were strangers. He said this 2-years-not-knowing-each-other is enough already. We’ve already learned our lessons.  

Is this statement true? “Feelings that came back are feelings that never fade and never went away.” I might oversay this but for me, I think I’ll always be into him for like an eternal. It will never change as time goes by. I just wanted him to stay. Hopefully, this will be the last time that we’ll try again.  

But I don’t mind if this will not work again. It will always be worth it to try again with him. I’ll just stick to “What’s yours, will be yours.” Maybe not now (if ever), but eventually. That’s what I believe in love, distance and time never became a hindrance to stop loving someone.  

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I am eager to be with him, maybe this time, or tomorrow, then the next day, until I grow older.. I know this sounds so selfish but he’ll always be mine. (I hope.) Because if you would ask me, I might say this to him, “I will always be yours.”  

Finished this at around 3:07am.
Published: Past 1 in the afternoon.

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